Death Knocking on the Door

The Inevitability of Death

People often say that death is just a part of life. They are, of course, correct—there is no life without death and no death without life. However, this understanding does not ease the pain when death comes knocking for your loved ones. In death, an interesting clarity can occur if you allow yourself to see it. You become acutely aware of how some moments, which once seemed monumental, may not have mattered as much as you thought. Words spoken in anger or frustration might have been taken out of context, or the person saying them may have been dealing with their own heavy burdens. If we allow it, death slaps us in the face and forces us to reflect on who we have been, who we are now, and who we would like to become.

October: A Month of Reflection

Why discuss death here? It's a valid question. October is a month I love for its cool nights and excellent sleeping weather. Yet, it is also a month of personal heartbreak. October's vibrant colors—yellows, golds, and oranges—create a magical scene. Halloween brings children, full of life, running from house to house collecting candy. This year, October brings another possible loss. Twenty-four years ago, on the 18th, I lost my daughter. This year, the potential loss of my mother looms over us. Losing my daughter at such a young age devastated me for years, and I still struggle on the anniversary. Now, with hospice caring for my mom, it's a new and different struggle.

Coping with Loss

When death approaches, there are many ways to cope. You can fight it, kicking and screaming, complaining about life's unfairness. You might deny its reality, creating an illusion that, when broken, shatters your world. You could blame others for not doing enough to save your loved one. These reactions lead to anger, depression, and hopelessness, making you difficult to be around. This was me during my daughter's loss—a person I choose never to become again.

Accepting that sometimes there is no blame to be had is a hard but freeing part of death. Of course, you will feel sadness and pain—it's natural. What's not okay is lashing out at others who grieve differently or have different beliefs about death. Accepting that death is universal allows us to treasure the time we have with our loved ones and be as present as possible.

The Miracle of Existence

We are but a blip in the vast timeline of the earth, which existed long before us and will continue long after we're gone. Treating others and our planet well is crucial. The odds of your parents meeting to create your unique set of genes are 1 in 400 quadrillion. That's extraordinary. The people around you are equally miraculous, and being here at the same time means so much. Despite our short time here, we can achieve extraordinary things.

I am blessed to have spent time with my mother and will continue to cherish the moments we have left. I will focus on her needs, helping her transition back to whence she came. She is a blessing to the world and me, and as she moves on, she makes room for another wonderful soul. I choose to love others because they are as rare and miraculous as my mother. That includes you, the reader. You are a beautiful soul, and we are part of each other's lives. Let's be as happy as possible, helping each other along the way, and living life to the fullest.

Embracing Positivity

It's okay to have mixed emotions, but let the positive ones shine through. You are here, and you can choose what resides within you. Am I always positive? Absolutely not, but I'm getting there. Negativity no longer reigns supreme, and that feels so much better.