Why are You Kicking Yourself?

Our minds can be like the bully on the school yard. Why do so many people have it and I just can’t seem to find it. Why are they so well off and I struggle so very much? Why can they have kids? This could be really long list of whys if I listed all the why’s I’ve asked in my life. Have you ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of asking "Why me?" or "Why is this happening to me?" It’s an easy trap to fall into, but these "whys" can keep us stuck and foster a victim mentality that hinders our overall well-being. Today, we’re going to explore what can make these questions so damaging and offer practical ways to shift your mindset and get out of that endless spiral of “whys”, that spiral that’s slowly draining the life from everything.

Understanding the "Whys"

Asking "why me?" can feel natural, especially during challenging times. However, constantly focusing on these questions can lead to feelings of helplessness and keep us trapped in a cycle of negativity. When my daughter passed away I thought this way all the time. I thought why do those people get to have kids they’re not good parents, and on and on it went. Yes, it was tough, and yes, it had happened but this victim mentality was preventing me from taking the actions I needed to, to get my life back on track. It was blinding me to solutions to situations unfolding around me. This mentality was slowly draining me and impacting me mentally, physically, and my overall emotional well-being. That’s not where you want to be and I would hate to see you there myself.

The Impact of "Why Me?" Questions

When we dwell on the all-encompassing "why me?" questions, we may begin to see ourselves as powerless victims of circumstance. That’s not to say the circumstances aren’t bad and something really bad didn’t happen to you. There is victim help for a reason but you don’t want to stay in victim mode. This mindset can erode our self-confidence and hinder our ability to move forward. It’s important to recognize that while we may not have control over everything that happens to us, we do have control over how we respond. We have control over the next steps we make. We have control over where or who we go to for help and healing. In horrible situation you feel you have no control but look around you and see what you do have control over.

Beneficial Self-Talk: A Path to Empowerment

One powerful way to combat the "whys" is to practice beneficial self-talk. Our minds absorb what we listen to, so it’s crucial to surround ourselves with positive and constructive messages. Beneficial self-talk can help us see things in a new light, providing the encouragement and perspective we need to overcome challenges. It works very much just like walking into a grocery store that’s playing music. You are there for the groceries and to get the items you need but the music is still playing in the back and your mind will pick up on your favorite song and hear it even when you haven’t been really listening or hearing the radio before.

How to Incorporate Beneficial Self-Talk:

• Become a Passive Listen: Beneficial self-talk can play in the background as you go about your normal routine. Just hit play and let your mind absorb the positive messages without interrupting your day. People think it’s to easy but so many people speak about the benefits they get from beneficial self-talk. I personally stopped smoking with beneficial self-talk.

Additional Strategies to Combat the "Whys"

1. Reframe Your Questions:**
Instead of asking "Why me?" try asking "What can I learn from this?" or "How can I grow from this experience?" Reframing your questions shifts your focus from victimhood to empowerment, helping you find meaning and opportunities for growth.

2. Practice Gratitude:
Focusing on what you’re grateful for can shift your perspective and reduce feelings of victimhood. Take a few moments each day to reflect on the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small. Gratitude can help you cultivate a more positive and resilient mindset. It can be hard to think of anything your grateful for in very deep dark moments but you can always muster up something your thankful for even if it seems small to you.

Moving onward

Letting go of the "whys" and adopting a proactive mindset requires practice and intention like pretty much anything beneficial in life, but it’s powerful. By focusing on beneficial self-talk, reframing your questions, and practicing gratitude, you can give those old “whys” a nice swift kick in the rear. Break the cycle of victimhood and embrace a more empowering and fulfilling life.

We hope this newsletter encourages you to stop kicking yourself and start embracing the power you have to shape your own narrative. If you have any thoughts or experiences to share, we’d love to hear from you. Together, let’s continue our journey toward a more positive and resilient mindset.